We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
