doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
