i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Only a mothe r could love this liver
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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