I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
