we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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