were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
