I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
