Apparently you make a good broom.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
