In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
