You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
