I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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