Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
