A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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