hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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