Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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