Kiss
Puke
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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