So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
