I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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