Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
