dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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