when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
