420 ftw
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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