why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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