I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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