I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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