Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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