I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish life had little blips of pornography
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it glows. i had to have it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
