dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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