I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
