so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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