OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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