i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
