yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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