I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
