You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
