I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Say something about gay babies.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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