There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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