Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
