how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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