Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
