why didn't you poke me back
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
