Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
