Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
