people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You were trust falling into bushes
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
