The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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