PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
