Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
