What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
