I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
