My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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