apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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