used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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