If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
